Every corner of the technology market is flooded with products claiming to optimize your life, but a dark undercurrent of the internet trades in pure, unadulterated chaos. To see if any of these bizarre creations hold actual value or if they are simply designed to inflict psychological distress we spent $10,000 on the most infamous, unconventional tech available. Testing alongside KSI, we put these devices through real world trials, rating each one on an “emotional damage scale” from zero to five, where five represents absolute domestic misery. The evaluation pushed our patience, our ergonomics, and, quite literally, our central nervous systems to the absolute limit.

The Political Misinput Keyboard

We initiated our testing with the “Misinput Keyboard,” a completely custom, structurally deranged peripheral engineered by a creator named Political. The hardware looks as if someone swallowed a standard mechanical keyboard and spat it back out, completely warping the standard QWERTY layout. While the ‘A’ key remains in its traditional position, the rest of the chassis is an ergonomic war zone of melted plastic and misplaced keys.

To test its real-world viability, we staged a speed-typing competition with a hidden catch embedded in the text: “I hereby agree to be electronically shocked if I lose this typing race.” The scrambled layout proved devastating to muscle memory. KSI finished the sentence with a sluggish 16 words per minute, while my attempts yielded a slightly faster but deeply inaccurate 19 words per minute. Because the trial prioritized pure speed over accuracy, I secured the win. Living with this peripheral would be an ongoing trial, earning a solid 4 out of 5 on our emotional damage scale.

The Pavlok Shock Clock

Losing the typing race carried immediate consequences via the Pavlok Shock Clock. This wearable device is designed for heavy sleepers, strapping onto the wrist to deliver an electric shock that forces you awake in the morning. Before delivering its payload, the device emits an audible chime. This feature leverages classic Pavlovian conditioning, training the user’s brain to wake up during the warning chime to avoid the impending electrical discharge.

“I sometimes like getting shocked anyway to increase my cortisol,” KSI joked before the test, though his demeanor changed instantly upon activation.

The initial test delivered a 50% power shock to KSI’s right wrist. The physical reaction was immediate and painful, easily earning the device a 4 out of 5 for emotional damage. The stakes were then raised for the rest of our lineup: the overall loser of the day’s challenges would have to endure a maximum-intensity, 100% power shock. This impending penalty prompted KSI to retroactively lower his emotional damage rating of the keyboard to a 2, suddenly viewing the mangled keys as a safe haven compared to the wristband.

Biometric Relaxation and Resistance Training

Fuzu Massage Gloves

Moving away from electrical punishment, we tested the Fuzu Massage Gloves, a product intended to deliver a dual-benefit massage. In theory, these vibrating gloves are designed to massage the wearer’s hands while simultaneously massaging another person. The product’s marketing materials are bizarre resembling a kidnapping scenario rather than a spa day but the real-world performance was surprisingly tolerable.

When applied to tight shoulder muscles, the high-intensity vibration patterns proved effective. While the mechanical noise is incredibly loud, reminiscent of a miniature rave, the physical sensation is quite soothing. The only major design flaw is the internal feedback for the wearer; operating the gloves genuinely feels as though your own fingernails are vibrating loose. Despite the noise and odd sensations, it functions well enough to earn a low 1 out of 5 on the damage scale.

The Squat Magic

To balance out the relaxation, we moved to fitness hardware with the Squat Magic. This specialized home workout device features a central spring-loaded column designed to add resistance to the downward phase of a squatting motion, forcing your lower-body muscles to remain fully engaged throughout the entire exercise window.

Internet’s Cursed Tech

Acoustic Isolation and Novelty Kitchenware

The Sound-Baffled Scream Jar

After an intense leg workout, we tested a product tailored for extreme emotional release: the Scream Jar. Outwardly resembling a modern plastic vase, this device claims to completely mute human screams. If you attempt to scream into a standard, sealed jar, the container quickly fills with air, blocking your airway and cutting the scream short.

The Scream Jar solves this by incorporating a tiny exhaust hole at the base. The interior cavity is lined with engineered sound baffles that aggressively absorb sound waves as they travel toward the opening. When tested at full volume, the jar performed flawlessly, registering absolute silence in the room. It is a niche, almost tragic purchase for anyone who has ruined too many bedroom pillows out of frustration. Because it is highly effective and doubles as a functioning flower vase, we gave it a rare 0 out of 5 for emotional damage.

The Official Xbox Series S Toaster

Next, we turned to novelty kitchen appliances with the official Xbox Series S Toaster. Microsoft has built a reputation for leaning into internet memes; when fans pointed out that the Xbox Series X resembled a refrigerator, they manufactured a working fridge. The Series S toaster follows the exact same design philosophy, replicating the console’s distinct white chassis and black ventilation circle.

[ Toaster Settings Dial ]
Light Brown <---|---> Dark / Burned
                 ^
           (Our Target)

The appliance operates like a standard two-slice toaster, but it burns the iconic Xbox logo directly into the center of the bread. To stay on theme, we paired our light-brown Xbox toast with a homemade batch of bright blue “Prime Jam,” crafted to taste exactly like the Blue Raspberry sports drink. The combination looked deeply unnatural, but the toast tasted perfectly fine. The appliance works exactly as intended, behaves like standard kitchen hardware, and carries a 0 out of 5 emotional damage rating.

Chaotic Controllers and Mobile Charging

The Proteus Modular Controller

Our next challenge involved the Proteus Controller, an incredibly complex, modular gaming peripheral. The device consists of various magnetic blocks, joysticks, and button clusters that can be snapped together in any orientation. We gave ourselves a strict two-minute window to construct a custom controller blueprint before facing off in a 1v1 match on the classic Call of Duty map, Rust.

   [Proteus Left Module] <--- Magnetic Link ---> [Proteus Right Module]
   (Inverted Analog Stick)                       (No Trigger Map)

The build phase was pure panic. I accidentally inverted my main analog stick, meaning pushing up moved my character left, while KSI forgot to map firing triggers to his chassis entirely. The resulting match was a comedy of errors. I managed to secure two kills and win the match solely because KSI spent the game staring at the sky, unable to shoot.

While the Proteus controller is a nightmare for traditional gamers earning a 2.5 out of 5 on our scale it has an incredibly noble real-world application. For gamers with limited mobility or single-sided paralysis, the modular blocks allow an entire controller layout to be mapped to a single hand. It is an exceptional piece of accessible engineering hidden beneath a chaotic exterior.

The ESR Portable 3-in-1 Charging Stand

During our gaming session, we plugged our dead test phone into the ESR Portable 3-in-1 Stand. Unconventional tech usually fails, but this accessory was a massive surprise. In just 30 minutes, it boosted the phone’s battery from flat to 56%.

The stand features a built-in cryogenic cooling fan that actively chills the phone’s chassis while broadcasting a wireless charge. By mitigating heat buildup, the device drastically improves overall charging efficiency. With designated charging spots for an Apple Watch and AirPods alongside the cooled phone mount, it stands out as a genuinely premium piece of everyday hardware.

The Controller French Fry Holder

Conversely, the French Fry Controller Mount represents the absolute worst of peripheral design. This plastic bracket clips directly onto a standard gaming controller, holding a paper container of greasy fries right beneath your nose.

The concept is a logistical disaster. The weight distribution makes the controller incredibly uncomfortable to hold, the heat from the fries warms your hands, and tipping the controller down to play causes food to spill into your lap. It earned a steep 4 out of 5 for emotional damage.

Impairment Simulation and Heavy-Metal Distractions

Drunk Buster Goggles

To test our coordination under simulated duress, we donned “Drunk Buster” goggles. These optical headsets severely distort depth perception, peripheral vision, and balance to replicate high-level intoxication. As players who participate in the annual Sidemen Charity Match, we decided to put these goggles to the test via a penalty shootout.

The results were catastrophic. Walking in a straight line became impossible, and the soccer ball appeared to shift positions mid-air. During my turn in goal, I managed an accidental save purely because the ball hit my legs. KSI fared much better, adjusting his run-up to smash a clean shot into the back of the net to win the shootout. The goggles are terrifyingly accurate at inducing disorientation, making them a great educational tool but a grueling consumer experience.

The 6-Pound Anti-Doom-Scrolling Phone Case

To combat screen addiction, we wrapped our smartphone in a specialized, six-pound solid metal phone case. The explicit design goal of this heavy-duty armor is to make your phone so exhausting to hold that you actively avoid scrolling through social media.

+------------------------------------------+
|  [ Heavy-Duty Steel Frame: 6 lbs ]       |
|  (Secured via 4 Perimeter Steel Bolts)   |
|                                          |
|         [ Enclosed Smartphone ]          |
+------------------------------------------+

The case completely eliminates convenience. It is secured around the phone using four industrial steel bolts, meaning you cannot simply slide the phone out when your arms get tired unless you happen to be carrying a screwdriver. While it provides a minor forearm workout during video capture, it ruins the basic utility of a mobile device, earning a 4 out of 5 rating for pure frustration.

Audio Aesthetics and Futuristic Hygiene

The Bone Conduction Music Lollipop

One of the most surprising items in our budget was a lollipop that functions as an audio playback device. Utilizing bone conduction technology, the candy does not emit sound through the air. Instead, as you place the lollipop in your mouth and bite down, the audio vibrations travel directly through your teeth and jawbone into your inner ear.

We uploaded KSI’s single, Thick of It, to the device’s internal storage. The acoustic clarity inside your skull is shocking; to an outside observer, the room is completely silent, but inside your mouth, the music plays perfectly. The device even allows users to record custom voice clips for their partners. However, the psychological toll of hearing a voice echoing inside your jaw while eating a peach-flavored candy is profoundly unsettling. We settled on a combined rating of 2 out of 5.

The Amabrush 20-Second Automated Toothbrush

We followed the candy with the Amabrush automated toothbrush, a mouth guard style device that claims to completely clean your teeth in just 20 seconds. To test its effectiveness, we used blue disclosing tablets, which dye plaque bright blue to reveal unbrushed areas.

the Internet’s Cursed Tech

Using the Amabrush feels like putting a vibrating torture device into your mouth. The intense mechanical vibration is mildly painful, but the efficiency is undeniable. After a single 20-second cycle, a visual inspection revealed that every trace of the blue dye had been completely stripped away. The teeth felt flawlessly clean. Despite the jarring physical sensation, the sheer time-saving utility earned it a perfect 0 out of 5 on the damage scale KSI even admitted he would genuinely purchase one for daily use.

AI Companionship and the $10,000 Finale

The Friend AI Pendant

Our final small-scale gadget was the Friend Pendant, a wearable necklace powered by Gemini AI. Unlike traditional voice assistants that wait for a wake word, this pendant is designed to remain permanently active, listening to every conversation throughout your day to act as an external memory bank.

The AI’s situational awareness was genuinely eerie. When we asked the pendant what it thought of the day’s events, it pulled data from hours prior:

“It seems loud. I bet those 100% power shocks you two have planned aren’t going to be quiet. Between the shocks and the blue jam, it’s been a lot.”

The device presents a fascinating paradox. On one hand, it is incredibly useful for capturing fleeting ideas or settling arguments (it accurately recalled that we gave the keyboard a 4 out of 5 earlier in the day). On the other hand, the reality of wearing a live microphone that tracks your life is deeply creepy. It scored a 2 out of 5, with the caveat that its emotional damage score could easily skyrocket to a 5 over extended use.

The Biometric Human Heart Race

The absolute peak of our $10,000 budget was spent on a pair of medically accurate, synthetic human hearts designed for advanced anatomical testing. These mechanical organs are engineered with built-in pulse sensors. When you insert your finger into the input terminal, the synthetic heart reads your real-time heart rate and begins physically pumping and moving across the table at a speed that directly mirrors your pulse.

[ Finger Sensor ] ---> [ Reads Pulse ] ---> [ Controls Mechanical Heart Pump Speed ]

We staged a high-stakes heart race across the studio table to determine who would face the 100% maximum shock. Because KSI maintains excellent cardiovascular health, his resting heart rate was remarkably low, causing his mechanical heart to move at a slow, measured pace. My elevated stress levels sent my heart rate spiking, forcing my synthetic organ to pump frantically across the finish line to secure the victory.

The 100% Maximum Payload

With the final leaderboard settled, KSI was forced to fulfill his typing waiver and endure the 100% power setting on the Pavlok Shock Clock. The device emitted its ominous warning chime, followed instantly by the full electrical discharge. The shock was intense enough to bring our testing day to an abrupt, chaotic end.

While items like the Xbox Toaster, the ESR cooling charger, and the Amabrush toothbrush proved to be genuinely excellent innovations, devices like the fry holder, the six-pound case, and the Pavlok wearable proved that some tech is labeled “cursed” for a reason.

Abdul Hafiz

0 10 minutes read

I Tested $10,000 of the Internet’s Cursed Tech (And It Ended in an Electrical Shock)